HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF A NAME YET

‘Where is she?’
‘Where is she? ... Where is my wife?’ Ben stormed into the hospital screaming. ‘Where is my wife?’
A pretty looking nurse approached him “Sir, what is the problem?” she asked,  with concern in her voice.
“My wife… My wife” Ben tried to answer.
“Your wife sir? What is wrong with her?” nurse Becky asked trying to make sense of what this hysteric man was saying.
“They called me… they called me…” Ben said, still trying to construct a sentence but with so much difficulty.
“Nurse Becky what is the problem?” asked a round short lady in her fifties.
“It’s this man matron… he’s asking for his wife, he…” nurse Becky answered.
“My wife, where is she?” Ben asked again stopping Nurse Becky from completing her sentence.
“What is wrong with your wife sir?” Matron Agaga asked holding Ben firmly by the shoulder. “Tell us what the problem is?” she asked again but this time her voice was like that of a general giving an order.
“An accident… they called me… they said…” Ben tried to explain but still couldn’t get himself together.
Nurse Becky and Matron Agaga gave each other a knowing look then turned to Ben “Sir, you’re at the wrong place…”
“Wrong place? Is this not Life Memorial?” Ben interrupted.
“It is sir, what I mean is that you are supposed to be at the casualty ward not here” Matron Agaga replied.
“So where is the casualty ward?” he asked this time with better composure.
“Don’t worry, Nurse Becky will take you there” she said leading him towards a door way by his left.
As Nurse Becky led Ben to the casualty ward, she felt pity for him. She had heard about the accident, in fact, she was in the casualty ward when the first van came in with the casualties. It was a gory sight, there was so much screaming, so much pain, so much disorder, so much tears. In her ten years as a nurse she had never seen what she saw today, it was scary and made her thank God for being alive.
“Sir, you will have to wait here” she said pointing to a bench by her far right which already had two other people sitted.
“But I want to… “Ben tried to speak. “Don’t worry sir, you will be attended to shortly, I promise” she said compassionately trying to reassure him.
Ben took his seat. He could see other people around him, the lady by his left had swollen eyes from crying, her makeup was all over her face. The tears had stopped pouring and her voice was gone. From the lady consoling her he could tell that she had lost her son and her husband was in critical condition.
“Esther, it’s going to be fine o... let’s keep praying” the younger lady beside her consoled. The doctor walked in at that moment and everyone ran towards him for the latest update on their loved ones, praying for some good news.
“I’ll First like to extend my sincere sympathies to you all” he started “We have come up with a list of everyone we have identified and in what condition they are in.” he paused taking a look at everyone “for those we can not identify, we will need your help. Those of…”
At that point Ben stopped listening, he bent his head and said a short prayer “Father, please let her be alive… she is my everything” that was his first prayer in about seven years.

Tokunbo Marcus Bridge poured water over his face; he had just finished an amputation and was getting ready for another surgery. Today was crazy he thought, he had been dragged out of his house at the middle of something very important. He had just proposed to Ego his girlfriend of five years and she had accepted when the call came.
“Don’t pick it dear” she pleaded
“You know I have to Mrs. Ego Bridge” he said with a wide grin on his face.
“Mrs. Ego Bridge” she repeated “I like the ring to it” she said smiling.
He picked up the call and by the time he was through with the call, Ego knew he was off again to save the world. “Are you the only surgeon they have in Life Memorial?” she asked slightly ticked off. “This is my time, why can’t they let me enjoy it” she cried.
“Oh come on my Precious, I won’t be long. Besides, what kind of surgeon would I be if I do not help people? Please understand.” He begged wiping her tears with his fingers “When I get back, you and I are in for a blast” he held her hand and looking at the ring asked “Do you like it?”
“Are you kidding me, it’s beautiful.” She said
“No girl, you are beautiful” he said bending over to kiss her.
As he got to the door, he turned around and said “Welcome to the family of the Bridge’s, we are one crazy bunch I must warn you.”
“I don’t care about the Bridge’s, I care about you Toks” she replied.
He smiled at her “I hate you Mrs. Bridge”
“I hate you too Mr. Bridge” she replied.
As he stepped outside, he thought of his dad. He would love to see the look of disappointment on his face when he breaks the news of his planned marriage to Ego. “Disappointment number five” he said out loud.
Disappointment number one was studying Medicine, number two was not going into the family business, number three was working in Life Memorial instead of working for the UN like had been arranged, number four was not supporting his political ambitions and now number five marrying Ego, a no class nobody (in the words of his father) unlike the preferred choice of Halima daughter of his father’s business partner.
“We are ready for you Mr. Bridge” came nurse Kemi snapping him back to reality.
“Nurse Kemi, how many times have I told you to stop calling me Mr. Bridge, call me Toks” he said with a wide grin which showed off his perfect white set of  teeth.
“God!” nurse Kemi thought “I love this guy… his thick British accent is just so cool”
Toks knew she had a mad crush on him, but so did half the female staff in the hospital. Tokundo was one of those guys that seemed to have it all, a proportionate body, intelligent, good looks; he was polite and proper with a great dress sense from a rich and influential family.
“Who’s the new patient” he asked
“A young female, she was brought in not long ago” she answered
“Is it still from the first set of accidents?”
“No sir, this one’s a new set of casualties”
“What is it with accidents today?” he looked at his watch and knew Ego would be pissed at him.
“Time flies in this place” he thought to himself. He picked up his phone and dialed Ego’s number but got the annoying voice “… the number you’re trying to reach is not available at the…” he cut off the call at that point.
“I’m in real trouble” he said out loud.
“Why sir?” nurse Kemi asked
“Oh, it’s my fiancée, she must be pissed”
“Lucky fiancée” Kemi thought.
Toks and Kemi stepped into the theatre and exchanged pleasantries with the others.
“So, are we ready?” asked Dr. Saater Okar, the chief medical doctor.
“Yes sir” answered Toks. “Busy day right?” asked Dr. Saater
“Crazy’ replied Toks.
Dr. Saater Okar was in his twenty fifth year of practice and of all his surgeons, Tokunbo was his favorite. He had never seen that much brilliance and seriousness to duty from a young man as Tokunbo.
“So, what do we have here” Tokunbo asked.
“A young female, about 20 to 25 years of age, multiple fracture, internal bleeding and severe burns… she’s in pretty bad shape Toks”
“What are her vitals?”
 “Blood pressure’s okay, heart beat weak but steady”
As he stepped closer to the patient, Tokunbo froze.
“What’s wrong?” Dr. Saater asked.
Tears dropped from Tokunbo’s eyes. There lay Ego with the diamond ring he had just given her on her hand.

Ben was on his way to the mortuary, he had not been able to identify Mercy his wife from the list, so the next point of call was the mortuary. The beating of his heart had increased, he felt sick and nauseated. His mind drifted to earlier in the day when he was getting ready to drop Mercy off at the park.
“Young lady, are you planning on packing the whole house with you?” he teased her.
“No oh, it’s the compound I’m packing” she answered throwing her bag at him. Ben docked to the left in other to dodge her bag but lost his balance and fell instead.
“Ooooh! Kill me o!” he said “Kill me before you leave so you can marry another man”
“A much more handsome man at that with no pot belly” she said jumping on him and laughing loudly. “I’ll miss you big belle” she said poking him on the tummy.”
“Why won’t you miss me when for two weeks you won’t be cooking… go jo’” he said carrying her up.
“Small woman, the only reason I married you was because I thought you’ll still grow taller…”
“Me ma, na because I think say you go still fine, instead na belle you go carry.” She said poking his pot belly again.
“Oya come dey go, you’ll miss your bus and I’ll miss my meeting.” Thirty minutes later he was kissing her good bye.
“Remember to call o!” he reminded her.
“My battery is weak but once I reach, I’ll call” she replied moving away.
Ben watched as she walked off in the sky blue tee shirt he had bought for her which had “I LOVE MY MAN” boldly written on it. She wore a black jean that highlighted her curves.
“Damn, I’ve got some great taste” he said to himself. “See backa!” he shouted after her. She turned to face him with a mischievous smile as if to say “You naughty man” and with her five fingers stretched out like that of a web said “Waka!”
“Kia! Ni?” he said in hausa “Walai, zan mara ki fa” But she was already gone.
“Excuse me sir… excuse sir… sir…” a voice called to him jolting him from his thoughts.
 “Sir, please it’s your turn” she said politely. Bens heart was beating like a race track “God, please… let her not be here” for someone who hadn’t prayed for so long he had said over sixty short prayers since he got the phone call telling him that one of the buses of the transport company his wife had boarded was involved in an accident. He wasn’t sure if it was the same one his wife was in  but he couldn’t get across to her and no one had heard from her either since she took off this morning.
He walked through several lifeless bodies, he had never seen so many before, he couldn’t picture Mercy amongst them. Then he saw her. He could hardly make out her face but it was her alright or so he thought the same blue top and black jeans.
Everywhere suddenly looked fussy and felt stuffy; he felt like throwing up, he ran outside like a mad man. “No it can’t be her that was not the plan!” he screamed.

Tokunbo was in his car driving , Ego had died. They couldn’t save her. He knew if he had done the surgery himself he would have been able to save her but no, they wouldn’t allow him. Stupid hospital policy he thought, he was too attached to the patient they said.
“It’s God’s plan” Dr. Saater had tried to console him. “What stupid plan!” he shouted. If it was actually Gods plan, then he wanted nothing to do with him. “God’s plan my ass!”
Tokunbo was in shock, he was hurting. He was absent minded and in no frame to drive but he just wanted to run away from everything and everyone. Someone suddenly came out of no where onto the road but before Tokunbo could stop the car, he had hit the person.

Ben lay on the road bleeding; he had walked onto the road without looking. He welcomed the thought of dying, after all what was there to live for he thought to himself as he lay on the floor life slowly slipping away. He could hear his phone ring somewhere around him and his dying heart skipped a bit. That was Mercy’s ring tone. What kind of joke was this? Was she alive? But he had seen her lying lifeless a while ago in the mortuary, then it hit him. The tee shirt he had seen on the body was plain blue; it had no writing on it unlike the one worn by Mercy which had I love my man written boldly on it!  He smiled as he lay on the floor, life was playing him he thought, he tried to hold on to life ‘because he felt it slowly leaving him, he was beginning to get cold. With his fading vision, he saw a good looking young man come into his line of vision, “was he in heaven? Was this guy an angel?” he thought. He couldn’t clearly make out what the young man was saying but he seemed scared “Stay with me… stay with me… don’t you dare die on me” he could finally hear what the young man was saying as he lifted him into his car.
 Tokunbo was in his car trying to start the car “where did you come from” he was saying out loud as the engine kicked. “I sure can’t handle this right now God… you think this is funny?” he was saying as he put the car into gear and stepping on the accelerator.
The last thing Ben heard before everything went black was the sound of his phone fade away as he was being driven away in this strange car.
“…hello how you doing my angel my one and only…”  his phone rang again on the floor.

GIRLS! GIRLS!! GIRLS!!!

I read a particular article a while ago titled “Boys, boys, boys.” In which the writer was talking about what she wanted in a man other than the regular God fearing, loving, trustworthy, caring and blah blah stuff that every other woman wants. It got me thinking and so I decided to write about what I want in a woman other than the regular. So listen up if you have the hots for me, you just might learn one or two stuff.

Now I know there is a craze among ladies  and some stupid guys to want to speak with an English or American accent, well, sorry to burst your bubble but that stuff just don’t work for me. I’m not saying if you so happen to naturally have these accents from living abroad I’mma write you off, no, but I can’t understand why an “Abike” who has lived in Lagos all her life and the closest she been to London is “Osakpa London” in Benin will be saying “you know what am saying” seriously aunty I don’t. The annoying thing is you get to hear these accents with a lot of mother tongue interference; it’s a turn off for me. but don’t get me wrong , just because I don’t like them fake accents doesn’t mean I don’t want a woman that can speak English properly. All I’m asking for is for you to speak it properly with no “H” or “Nna” factor, is that too hard?  I mean why should I meet a girl and she goes “I like Mr. Biggs more better” or “Please reply me back” come on! You should be able to make a complete sentence without “I’bo’n” abi na “arrow”. Also, an extra point would be a girl that can speck pidgin English well, isn’t it just sexy to hear a girl say “babes, you too mush” or “guy no dull me o”.

I think every guy will agree with me when I say he wants a woman that would stick with him through all the wahala. Yes, I know you girls are tender and soft but please can you look beyond the no cars and no money and just see the brother for what he is? A girl that would tell you “whether na one naira or na one million baby you’ve got me” is all we ask for. Because if you stay now follow chop kwa kwa, when I’m chilling by bay Takwa with friends like Obama and Oprah guess whose gonna be my baby mama. It’s that simple. And don’t give me that excuse of when we finally make the money; we go looking for other girls… it’s been over used. Try something else.

I’m a very smart fella, I know this because I’ve made many so called smart persons feel dumb around me, so it would be a delight to meet someone for a change that doesn’t just read gossip magazines but also takes time to read current affairs or doesn’t only watch “E” but also tunes to CNN or National geographic “baby believe me it wouldn’t kill you to gain a little knowledge.” What am I saying? (If you haven’t gotten it yet then you’re really slow) I want a girl that is smart and fun that I too can learn from. A girl that I can be her student and she can play the teacher and she can spank me hard whenever (hmmm that sounds dirty) I’m not talking about “book knowledge alone” but general stuff , someone that we can both be fountains of knowledge overflowing into each other; okay, this is turning perverted. But you get my drift? Otherwise, I might get so frustrated one night and be forced to go “OJ Simpson” on her.

This particular point is very important girls. You must posses’ mad sex appeal like Kim Kardashain and Nicki Minaj. I’m not saying you must be a ten or have the best shape in the world, no, but just be sexy. Walk around the house naked or at least with my tee shirt alone so that I can see you as the wind gently blows it from side to side. Let me come home to meet you in some sexy lingerie’s just seating with your legs apart waiting for me or dropping by the office every once in a while, even sending a naughty text message to me in the middle of the day would do like “I’ve got nothing on.” Okay, I gotta stop now before I say some more stuff. Do all that and more and I would proudly like D’banj be your “Scapegoat”

This point might make me sound devilish but what the hell, it’s my choice not yours. I do not want a lady that is unnecessarily godly. Go to church, pray, attend bible meetings, live right; try to bring me closer to God, do all that but know when to draw the line. Do not tell me that we must pray before we have sex or stop wearing ear rings or trousers because God said so or carry all the food stuff and money in the house to the pastor in the name of sowing a seed (aunty, dat one na sowing a farm, I don pass seed) do not tell me that you wouldn’t take pain killers for your headache or see the doctor for that pain because you’re waiting for God to heal you. I might not be the holiest brother around but I know God wants the best for us and it sure ain’t that.

I’m looking for a girl that can pick up the bills too. There is no rule that says it’s in the guys place to always pay the bills, then why are you working girl? Listen closely, the reason why guys today would rather date a girl with an education and is working is solely for the reason that she too can hold her own and support him. What did you think? To show you off? You should be able to pick up some bills in the house otherwise, do not complain when I start saying it’s my house and my car and my TV! I know you girls hate to hear it so, don’t give us the chance to use it. Trust me; your man would certainly value you better if you too picked up the bill.

Finally, looks. Notice how it’s the last thing I’m talking about, well, it’s because it’s the least important thing. I’m not saying if you looked like Iyabo Obasanjo or an ape I’ll be all over you, no. just be presentable, have a wonderful dress sense, be able to use fashion to hide your minuses and bring out your strong points. There is nothing like a woman who can dress well, there’s always something to marvel at. You can borrow one or two things from my Ex, Eva Mendez (you didn’t know we dated? You should check OK magazines of four years ago, we were quite an item then) she never went wrong in that area. In addition, try to be a people’s person, I should be able to introduce you to my friends that you don’t know and in the next thirty minutes one would swear that you had always known them.

I’m done, did I ask for anything unrealistic or something that no one woman can posses? You tell me.   

*Credit: This write up was inspired from an article published in Soundcity Blast Magazine (2009) written by Laide Olabode titled "Boys boys boys". Some lines were lifted from the original article.